T-shirts have gone from underwear to status symbols in just a few decades. These mens and womens tees feature a series of retro book covers from the pantheon of classic literature. There are some great titles here– Melville, Kerouac, Thoreau, Bradbury, and Orwell are among them.

You can snag these over at Out of Print’s shop for $28.

“I like my coffee dark. If there is any milk at all, I like it to barely change color. Think about it this way– the cup should be filled with a swirling essence so as to give the effect of a beautiful dark teak wood. It should be unforgivably Cimmerian, contrasted only by streaks of ochre and and milky white.”

That’s typically how I ask for my coffee at Starbucks. And yeah, they give me the same look you’re giving your monitor right now. “Uh, the milk is over there.” Recently a barista recommended I get one of these specialty coffee mugs that help you identify and maintain your coffee (or tea) ideal.

These mugs feature a color palette on the inside of the rim that is placed perfectly so that you can select which coffee or tea strength is right for you. Coffee scales from “Milky” to “Regular”, “Strong & Bold”, and “Black.” Tea goes too from “Milky” to “Classic British”, “Builder’s Brew”, and “Just Tea.”

Now as an American, I find the idea of putting milk in any tea other than Chai to be simply treasonous. It’s grounds for dressing up like the Village People and tossing barrels into Boston Harbor. But hey– to each their own!

These specialty mugs are a bargain at $14.95 over at Firebox.

Pick one up.

We’ve all seen those pricey robot vacuums in stores. These amazing little robots save me from my own laziness by cleaning my house for me.  They navigate around by bumping into furniture trying in vain to earn the 500 clams you shelled out for it. For half as much I could hire a chimpanzee or a herd of girl scouts to push a Hoover around the house randomly. Eventually, they’d spell out Shakespeare in the carpet.

Change of subject. My desk. It’s full of dust and crumbs from all the cookies I bought instead of a vacuum. Robotics, once again, comes to my rescue. This feisty little fellow hungrily sucks up all my crumbs, dust bunnies, and other desktop filth. He’s a steal at twenty bucks, and unlike most robots, he won’t try to kill you in your sleep. (He’s a conscientious objector.)

$20 @ FredFlare

Okay, we admit it. We’ve been asleep a long time. It was fun while it lasted, but we’re back.  Here’s a heads up for all you sleepy kids out there: Hibernation gets old. Sure, you’re unconscious. Sure, you are free to dream about whatever perverse glories might cross your mind. But is it worth the bed sores?

Celebrate an end to sleep with what we strongly consider some of the finest coffee on Earth. Stumptown’s flavor has been described as beautiful. It has the boldness, the richness, and the darkness of coffee without being bitter or tasting oily. I literally send pounds of this stuff across the country to thirsty family members not lucky enough to live in Portland, Seattle, or New York.

Information

Freshly-Picked Sunglassy Goodness

There’s something about a guy in gradient-lensed aviators with gunmetal frames that symbolizes everything that was righteous and good about the 1980′s. They’re opulent, but accessible. You might not be that guy from the Nautica ad, aviators on your perfect face, jaunty sweater fopped over your shoulders, tousled strawberry blond hair wafting in the marine breeze while you lounge on your comfort cruiser. You might not be rich or successful or over-privileged or flanked by the hottest girl Swedish engineering is able to produce.

But hey, you can look like a million bucks too, sailor.

$129

My name is Coriander, but you can call me Cilantro

Cilantro is one of those awesome multipurpose herbs that is essential in cooking and can be used for non-culinary uses as well. It’s cultivated all over the world, and has a long history of uses in medicine and food preparation. Now some scurrilous individuals don’t like cilantro. In fact, they’ve gone so far as to make a webpage for it.

But what do they know? Cilantro can be used to treat the following medical ailments:

Anxiety
Insomnia
Water retention
Digestive problems
Acne
Source: Wikipedia

This particular product here, is cilantro that comes in a bag. Tear the bad boy open, water it, and the plants will grow right there in the sack on your desk or anywhere else you’d like.

$9

Spongebob Sandwichpants

It’s always been a dream of mine to be able to clean my surfaces and my body with a slice of Wonder Bread. It’s taken a generation of Korean scientists commissioned by the Museum of Modern Art to produce, but this sponge fulfills that lifelong dream.

Now, you might wonder what else this bread shaped sponge might be used for. Well, you can’t exactly put together a Dagwood sandwich the way mother used to make. But if stereotypes and television are any indication on your reality, you’ll probably be able to approximate the sandwiches father used to make.

$10

Only the best for Batplaytime

Batman, the Dark Knight and King of Kitsch, brings us another of his Bat-gadgets. Kiddies will enjoy playing Batman & robbers with these babies, reenacting their favorite crime fighting adventures. Grown ups, on the other hand, can have a lot more fun with them.

Ever wanted to play Batman and Catwoman in the sack? Want to put them old costumes to good use? Interested in a little super hero bondage? Want to make play time more than the same Bat activities every Bat time?

Pervert. The thing is, these things don’t open. They can’t be used as normal handcuffs. That ought to save you from some embarrassing 911 calls and keep you away from drunken acts of wanton carnality. The cuffs come with a special display, and are made of high-quality realistic materials. This is a limited edition product that is manufactured to order, just like the real thing. Next, I hope they make realistic Batarangs I can use to bludgeon noisy people with in the movies.

$125 (avail. June 19, 2009)

Smoke & Mirrors

Theory11, the haven for card tricks and sleight of hand, brings us another amazing deck of cards. This second edition, illustrated by artist Si Scott and developed by Dan and Dave Buck, combines a very solid, modern design spectrum with cards that feel palpably superior.

That feeling is what separates Theory11 cards from what you normally get. Their air brushed ‘glaze’ helps them slide around your fingers or a card table like they’re floating– making tricks look like a breeze. Whether you’re practicing hardcore tricks or just wanting to impress your friends on poker night, you’ve got a winner here. The smoke deck is white, the mirror deck is black, and both have some original artwork alongside the standard 52.

These cards might not make you a Las Vegas cool guy, especially with those beat up shoes you have, slob, but at least your cards can have some class. Buy multiple sets of these decks and pick up a discount at 3, 6, or 12 decks in any combination of the 2 varieties.

$5.95

Quetzalcoatl

As the product page so eloquently reminds us, Quetzalcoatl was one of the gods of the Aztecs. The Aztecs, my ancestors, believed that this feathered, winged, serpent deity thirsted for human blood, and like so many other serpent-related deities, would one day return from the sky to rule over all mankind. I sometimes joke that maybe I am Quetzalcoatl, as I have many god-like attributes, relatively fair skin, a penchant for the suffering of others, and am a supreme being among amoebas.

I wonder what the Nahuatl (Aztec) word for schadenfreude is. In any case, this shirt combines some awesome pre-Columbian iconography with pretty modern design. The stitching adds an extra flare, but the chest image of the Quetzalcoatl idol makes this shirt a keeper. Get it while you can, it’s a steal at 15 hoes (Shut up, that’s what they called Aztec money. Douche.), and appears to be on sale or clearance.

$15