This vintage styled duffel bag features canvas body, genuine leather trim and Talon retro zippers. Go to the gym, get away for the weekend or carry spare clothes in style with this sturdy, attractive bag. The colors are rich and masculine and would accent any style of apparel from casual to more business like.

$148 from gSelect

The famous Fisher Space Pen uses a pressurized ink supply to deliver ink upside down or even in zero gravity. This model comes with a tether and carabiner so you can carry it on your key ring, around your neck or in the car. Just to clarify, you don't have to write upside down with this pen. It rights downside up too, or is that downside down...

$30 from Amazon.com

Looking for an inexpensive gift? This bookmark is fashioned to resemble everyone’s favorite food– bacon. This would make a great stocking stuffer for the book and bacon lover on your list. The bookmark is stamped on genuine leather. Is no animal safe?

$8 @ Etsy

With the Green Lantern coming to movies this summer, you might be interested in picking that as your next job. To be a Green Lantern, you’ll need a strong sense of morality and ethics. You need a skin-tight costume and muscles to show off. You need a rich imagination and an iron-strong force of will. Finally, you need a power battery lantern and a power ring!

Things From Another World can give you both in these attractive movie replicas. I smell award-winning Halloween costume here.

$350 @ TFAW

Zen Blocks are some pretty neat little toys. They can be stacked, placed into an arch, balanced, and just handled. They are a perfect desk toy, requiring thought, care, and focus to get them to stack. They are great for kids, or just for screwing around while you consider your next move or are tackling a big problem at work.

These are handmade of walnut, and are polished with oil. Because of their origins, they are unique, affordable, and a handsome addition to your desktop.

$26 at Etsy

Amidst unrest in the Middle East and North Africa, pundits and talking heads from around the world are comparing rabble rousers and Internet Media darlings from abroad to one shining exemplar: Jon Stewart. Seth Macfarlane’s Family Guy refers to lovingly Stewart as ‘our most valuable Jew.’ Stewart is known for using his rapier wit, his smarmy comedic talent, and a bandy of fact checkers to roust (usually ring wing) crazy politicians from their scurrilous perches. Like a dog owner wrestling a pine cone from a puppy’s mouth, Stewart uses The Daily Show as his platform to wrestle the dog bone of lies from the scummy mouth of America’s biggest fifth columnists.

Now you can honor him appropriately with this 11 x 13 art print of an ink and pen drawing of Stewart. I suggest placing it in government offices next to those of Senator Whoever.

$10 at Etsy

“What are you eating?”

I hate that. Don’t ask me that. Eat your own food and shut up. Oh, you didn’t bring anything? No, you can’t have half my sandwich.

Maybe I’m greedy. Maybe it’s because I never got the extra bottle when I was a baby. Either way, my lunch is my lunch, as are its contents.

Finally, the geniuses at ThinkGeek have brought me a lunch bag that actually repels the nosy lunch vultures rather than enticing them with fancy spork-pouches and built in salt and pepper shakers. This white, insulated bag is big enough to hold your sandwiches, snacks, soda, frozen food, or other edibles. Your coworkers will think twice before asking for your bite of defective kidney salad.

Please don’t actually put any actual human organs in this bag. You can put non-human organs in it if you’d like, but only for the sake of humor.

$20 @ ThinkGeek

Spongebob Sandwichpants

It’s always been a dream of mine to be able to clean my surfaces and my body with a slice of Wonder Bread. It’s taken a generation of Korean scientists commissioned by the Museum of Modern Art to produce, but this sponge fulfills that lifelong dream.

Now, you might wonder what else this bread shaped sponge might be used for. Well, you can’t exactly put together a Dagwood sandwich the way mother used to make. But if stereotypes and television are any indication on your reality, you’ll probably be able to approximate the sandwiches father used to make.

$10

Only the best for Batplaytime

Batman, the Dark Knight and King of Kitsch, brings us another of his Bat-gadgets. Kiddies will enjoy playing Batman & robbers with these babies, reenacting their favorite crime fighting adventures. Grown ups, on the other hand, can have a lot more fun with them.

Ever wanted to play Batman and Catwoman in the sack? Want to put them old costumes to good use? Interested in a little super hero bondage? Want to make play time more than the same Bat activities every Bat time?

Pervert. The thing is, these things don’t open. They can’t be used as normal handcuffs. That ought to save you from some embarrassing 911 calls and keep you away from drunken acts of wanton carnality. The cuffs come with a special display, and are made of high-quality realistic materials. This is a limited edition product that is manufactured to order, just like the real thing. Next, I hope they make realistic Batarangs I can use to bludgeon noisy people with in the movies.

$125 (avail. June 19, 2009)

Smoke & Mirrors

Theory11, the haven for card tricks and sleight of hand, brings us another amazing deck of cards. This second edition, illustrated by artist Si Scott and developed by Dan and Dave Buck, combines a very solid, modern design spectrum with cards that feel palpably superior.

That feeling is what separates Theory11 cards from what you normally get. Their air brushed ‘glaze’ helps them slide around your fingers or a card table like they’re floating– making tricks look like a breeze. Whether you’re practicing hardcore tricks or just wanting to impress your friends on poker night, you’ve got a winner here. The smoke deck is white, the mirror deck is black, and both have some original artwork alongside the standard 52.

These cards might not make you a Las Vegas cool guy, especially with those beat up shoes you have, slob, but at least your cards can have some class. Buy multiple sets of these decks and pick up a discount at 3, 6, or 12 decks in any combination of the 2 varieties.

$5.95